NB: The following jokes are absolutely low-level and scornfully. Filled with unfounded prejudices, they are providing a non-real image. But to show you what human beings are able to write, and to make you think about it, I printed them out here for public anyway.
Comments may be sent to me via e-mail to McSquirrel@gmx.de
or using my mail form.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
How does a brain cell of a blonde die? -Lonely How does a blonde enlighten the environment? -She opens the car's door. Why can't a blonde make splits? -Otherwise she'd stick to the floor. Why can't you bury a blonde lying on her back? -When a blonde lies her legs seperate automatically. Why do blondes have a blue bellybutton? -Because blond men aren't clever either. How long is the chain around a blonde's foot? -The distance between kitchen and bedroom. A blonde crosses the street. But suddenly she's driven over by a car. Who is the guilty one? -The blonde, because she's left the kitchen/bedroom! What do a clever blonde and the yeti have in common? -Both are very rare on earth. What's the difference between a yeti and a clever blonde? -The yeti has already been seen. ------- What do you say to a blonde to get her to bed? -"Hello" Why do blondes drive a BMW? -Because they can spell it. Why do blondes grin when it flashes in a thunderstorm? -They think they're photographed. Why do blondes take the anti-baby-pill? -So they know the day of week. Why can't blondes differentiate between right and left? -Because cooking pots are circular. How do you recognize the fax was sent by a blonde? -Because of the stamp. Why did God create blondes? -Because sheep can't fetch beer. What do blondes and Jesus have in common? -Both are laid on their cross (their back) and then are nailed (hm, what type of nail do you think is meant here?!). A blonde and a brown-haired one are jumping off a skyscraper. Who arrives on the ground at first? -The brown-haired one; the blonde has to ask for the way first. Why do blondes don't have pubic hairs? -Hmm, have you ever seen a street with high traffic growing grass on? Why do blondes get triangular coffins? -Because when you lay a blonde onto her back her legs seperate automatically. What advantage does a blonde have compared to a rubber-woman? -The blonde cleans herself automatically. What's the difference between Jesus and a blonde? -The facial expression when they're nailed. How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? -Give her a package of M&M's and tell her to arrange them by alphabet. What does a blonde do when she gets up? -She puts on her clothing and then goes home. What is a blonde with two brain cells? -She is pregnant. What are five blondes standing ear-to-ear? -A wind tunnel. When can you see a shine in a blonde's eyes? -When you hold an electric torch towards her ear. Why does a blonde already go to bead at 8pm? -So she's at home at 10pm. What is a blonde with Oropax? -Sealed cavum. Why may a blonde only take a 5min lunch break? -Otherwise she has to be re-educated. Why does a wall fall over when a blonde leans on it? -The smarter one yields. What is a blonde standing between two brown-haired ones? -A blank space in education. What's the difference between a blonde and a pizza? -Pizza is also available without fungus. What's the difference between a blonde and a Tetra-Pak? -Tetra-Pak is clever anyhow. What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline? -Before you use the trampoline you should take off your shoes. What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? -You know how many people have been on the Titanic. Two blondes have been found frozen to death in their car in a drive-in cinema. What had happened? -They wanted to see the film "Closed during winter". How do you measure a blonde's IQ? -Go to the gas station and plug the machine to check the air pressure into her ear. A blonde and a brown-haired one go for a walk in the park. Suddenly the brown-haired one says: "Oh look, that pitiful dead bird over there!" The blonde stops walking and stares into the sky: "Where???" What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? -You wouldn't even lend the toothbrush to your best friend. What does the mother say to her daughter just before her first date? -If you aren't in bed till 12pm, come back home! What do you see if you look in a blonde's eyes? -The rear of her head. Why are blondes like cornflakes? -They're slight, simple and taste good! What's the difference between a blonde and a toilet? -The toilet won't perpetually follow you after using it. What does the right thigh of a blonde say to the left one? -Nothing, because they never get in contact. Why is it beneficent to have a blonde as front seat passenger? -You are allowed to park on the handicapped person's parking lots then. What is the difference between a computer and a blonde? -The computer needs the INPUT only once. How do you know a blonde has been using the refrigerator? -There is lipstick on the cucumbers. Why do blondes have 4 brain cells? -One for each plate of the stove. Why do blondes have a car with an openable sunroof? -To have more freeness for their legs. Why do blondes have problems getting an orgasm? -Who cares? Why does a blonde get an orgasm? -So she knows when to stop. What does a blonde say when you blow into her ear? -Thanks for reload. Who of these persons would at first catch a 100$ banknote: Santa Claus, a smart blonde, or a normal blonde? -None of them. Neither Santa Claus nor a smart blonde really exists, and the normal blonde thinks it's a flat-treaded chewing gum. What happens when you cross a blonde with a gorilla? -Nothing. There are things a gorilla won't do. How does a blonde kill a fish? -She wants to suffocate him in water. Two blondes cruise by car along the country road. Suddenly they pass a green on which another blonde sits in a rowboat and paddles. The driver says to her mate: "You see, such blondes ruin our image." She replies: "Yes, it's terrible. If I was able to swim, I would have drown her!" Husband of a blonde: "If you learned how to iron and cook, we were able to abolish our janitress." The blonde replies: "And if you learned how to do it, we were able to abolish our gardener!" A policeman catches a blonde as she drives in the wrong direction: "Didn't you know where you drive?" - "No, but wherever I was going to, it must have been horrible, for all the others drove back from there." Why mustn't blondes use a parachute during their catamenia? -Because they always pull the wrong string. How many blondes do you need to bake a chocolate cake? -Five. One to mix the dough, and four to peel the Smarties. Why does the blonde walk to and fro under the shower? -Because her shampoo's called "Wash and go". Why do blondes exist? -God also makes mistakes. What is a blonde that doesn't have lust? -Ill. ------ What happens if a blonde gets divorced? -She looses 99.9% of her intelligence. What do a blonde and a shotgun have in common? -Both of them have to be opened at first, then pressed down, and finally filled from behind. Why does a blonde hold straw in her hand? -Extern storage medium! Why do blondes have legs? -So that you can spread them. What are 17 blondes doing in front of the cinema? -They're waiting for another one because you must be 18 to watch the movie. Blondes only can count up to 2. So what do they say if three of their friends arrive? -"Hello you two, I see you brought another one with you!" What is the magazine for blondes called? -For she. Why do blondes have four lips? -Two to say "Shit" and two to compensate their swearing. What does a blonde want to say when she uses lipstick? -"Stop, that's the wrong hole!" What does a blonde do at the M&M's factory? -Sort out the W's. What do you habe to do to get a blonde's brain as big as a pea? -Pump it up. What's the difference between a breeding bull and a blonde? -The blonde has more sperms. Two blondes cruise by underground. "It smells like sperm!" -"Nobody may forbid me to burp!"